CAPTIVATED

Captivated -- strongly attracted, filled with wonder and delight.

It hit me tonight. I want to be captivated. In every way -- by love in every form. Friends & Family. Why would we settle for anything less than captivating? Why -- because it's easy to settle for less. It's exhausting looking for perfection. Looking for the ultimate dream of what we believe is real.

But truthfully, reality is perception and perception is reality. Perfection is different to everyone. And typically not attainable  Only due to our own definitions. I've been trying to let go of perfection. Or reaching the closest thing to it.

I'm letting it go. And I suggest if you haven't, you do too. Why not seek captivation? It's such an enthralling word and concept. That is attainable. And amazing, none the less. I want to be captivated. In every way possible. By so many things and so many people.

Captivation is all around us. The sunrise and sunset. The first star in the sky at night. That amazing song you can't help but move to. The moon at it's fullest. That amazing freckle on your significant other's cheek. The perfect amount of pressure you feel when you hug your best friend -- sometimes never wanting to let go. And sometimes, it's inexplicable. We can't define it. Our amazement. Our wonder. Our obsession. It's Jackie at her best -- all filled with wonder and delight. Amazement.

Instead of allowing mediocre to be the "new black", I say we make "captivation" the new black. The new norm. Who's with me?

Home Sweet Home

This weekend, I went to one of my very best friend's wedding celebration in Texas. I was born and raised in Texas. And at 26, I took a leap and moved to NYC. And looking back, I think it is one of the very best decisions I ever made.

I grew up in a small town in Texas as one of the only "brown" people in town. I was the child that always wanted to be like everyone else. I was teased for various aesthetic items common to my father's culture -- Pakistani -- that I am now very proud of. Thanks Barbara for making big noses sexy.

It wasn't until I moved to NYC that I really fully embraced who I was -- my looks, my beliefs, my personality (or so I thought). They call NYC a melting pot for a reason. The diversity seems unparalleled in every way. It was "cool" to be different.

I worked with 3, yes 3, ladies who were 1st generation American but each had parents from India -- from all different areas, religions, and beliefs. And the one constant you saw with each and every one of these ladies was pride. Pride in their culture. Pride in their parents. Pride in themselves. I learned a lot from these ladies about accepting your heritage and being proud of who you are and where you're from. And though my roots don't run deep on my Pakistani side, it is a part of me that I now embrace and acknowledge.

Last summer, I moved away from the melting pot of NYC to the small town feel of CA wine country. I came here with a dream in my head, which all changed in the first month. So I abandoned the dream -- momentarily -- to find my place in CA.

Going home to Texas recently was amazing. I experienced things I missed about home. I ate Tex Mex and BBQ. Saw familiar faces and places. And even reminisced a bit. And most importantly, saw my friends who are my family.

And as I came back on my tiny plane into SFO, I looked out of the window and thought "I'm so glad to be home." This was the moment. The moment I realized this was my home. I have made my place in Sonoma County. And love my surroundings and the life I've created here. And as much as I love Texas, and it will always be home, it's not where I belong. I left for a reason and will always go back to visit those that mean the world to me. But it's not my home any longer.

I can't wait for them to come visit me in my home. The place I've created for myself that I truly love and enjoy. My home sweet home. So I say, make your home. Plant your roots. Embrace what's around you and find the joy in it -- no matter how difficult or easy.

Are you a settler (and I don't mean the prairie)?



Annie - Get your Gun



Lately, I've been asking myself  "What will make me happy?". Typically, the same things pop up -- location, job, love life, and friends.

I've taken what I like to call a "break" in life lately which means I've put all these things on the back burner to focus on me in order to allow the right space to answer these questions. And it's the hardest thing I think I have ever had to do.

During this time, I can't help but constantly think "Am I settling?" or "Should I have settled?". As soon as I say the later, an anger emerges that says "Absolutely not. That's not in your vocab." And so far, I haven't and have no plans to anytime soon.

It seems easy to stay in your "comfort zone". To continue on a path that leads you to what you've determined is "right for you". Easily ignore the signs that say maybe it isn't the best path and other signs that might be a better choice. One of the best quotes that I will take with me for the rest of my life is "If you're comfortable, you're not learning or growing. We must get out of our comfort zone in order to progress." It's so true.



You've got to love Oregon Trail. Poor Nicole.

But how do you know when to fight for things you think are right or to let them go and recognize they aren't right for you? --- a Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Right. You get the picture.  And I'm sure if we had the answers, everyone would be walking on rainbows but that's just not reality.

So I make the choice to either continue on the path of questioning everything and feeling unsure or the path of just allowing those thoughts to exist but come and go -- not stay. To recognize there's no time like the present and if I'm not living now, I'm not living.

I choose to live. Because I deserve it. I'll continue to surround myself with those who choose the same -- and not settle for anything less. I'd much rather be the pioneer in my own life than a settler.

Someone Like Me

Often times I wonder "Are there other ladies out there like me?". Ladies who love bad romantic comedies. Ladies who check their fave celeb gossip blog before their news website. Ladies who live to drink wine and people watch.


I searched high and low for those ladies in all the places I've lived -- TX, NYC, CA. I found them in TX who are as honest and genuine as it gets. And the glams in NYC who I adore for their passion and glam.

And now I'm in CA. Searching for those ladies that are "like me". And so I ask myself "What does 'like me' mean now? What am I really searching for in a friend?" Now, I'm not looking for a new all time bestie. And I have found some ladies who fit the bill but unfortunately, aren't living in the thriving metropolis of Santa Rosa, CA.



Picture courtesy of elementsofstyleblog.com



So as I continue my search for the next new friend, I feed my need with online lusts. My new fave is Erin Gates and her amazing blog Elements of Style. She is presh and I would make this lady my bestie in a heartbeat if we lived in the same city.

But as my alternative, I will continue to covet her blog, taste and POV. Starting with this amazing blog post. I honestly felt like I was listening to internal dialogue.

Dog Days Are Over

Photo by Clint Shutlessworth via Style Me Pretty

It's taken almost three months to find some sort of inspiration to post again. And it's here! I'm sure I am behind the times but Florence + The Machine have pushed me into some inspiration that I was desperately needing. It all started with this amazing video from 31 Films which I found on my fave blog Style Me Pretty.  I think I've watched this at least a dozen times since I found last night. WATCH THE VIDEO HERE.

I don't know where Florence found this machine of hers, but I'm telling you, it's serious. It's crazy inspiring and makes me want to dance sporadically like Mere and Cristina on Grey's. LOVE! I mean, just listen to it. Flor will tell you all about how these "Dog Days Are Over", and she means it.

As many and most know, it's been a tough year -- lots of loss and lots of changes. And the changes aren't over. I'm turning 30+ this month, planning a move this weekend (yikes) and in the process of moving into a new office at work (which I get to help decorate -- so fun with pics to come). And I get to return to my home, TX for Xmas, to visit some amazing friends who are my family. Some I haven't seen in years and have reconnected in the past year while others have been here for the long haul. So this holiday is sure to be amazing.

So I'm not waiting until January for a resolution -- I mean, who the heck keeps those things anyhow. I just end up disappointed and eating leftovers while drowning my guilt of a failed attempt with wine -- that can't be good for anyone. I'm embracing the changes that are inevitable. Making my life and destiny my own. Choosing my path and if I take a wrong turn, I'll determine a new route that's more enjoyable.

Here I go. Jumping without the net, as we truly do every day.

Cover or Discover?

My sweet pooch Baxter always
puts things into perspective

For the past month, I've been doing some "self evals" to get myself on track. I realized, through the help of some amazing friends and family, that my actions weren't matching my words. I was saying, I wanted to discover new things, take the next step in my career, look inside me and find out what I wanted. But I was really covering myself and hiding behind all the things that recently occurred.

So how to I make changes? And what changes do I make?

I took the Myers Briggs test and received my results today. For those of you who don't know about this test, it really tells you about your personality, how you function, and what you're all about. What was I about to discover about myself?

Well, the test was actually dead on. I'm an extrovert, a thinker, a judger, a fact intaker and an organizer, to name a few. Wow. Who knew answering a few questions could uncover the real me. The refreshing part is that it really is me. And I like me. So I'm taking these results and giving myself the chance to really discover what I enjoy.

Should I be a wedding planner? What about a winery event planner? Is Napa the right place? Or do I belong in the big city (no, Santa Rosa does not count)?

I think it's hard for people to really stop to uncover themselves from the everyday. From what they've been told. From what is comfortable. They want to discover something new and exciting but let the fear of failure stand in the way.

So I say - ask yourself what that something is that makes you happy. Make a list. I LOVE lists. Take some time because it doesn't happen overnight and find out what you're good at and what makes you happy. It's time to stop hiding behind the sunglasses and put on the spectacles to see things clearly.

Cheers!

Cheers. A word many use, especially in the UK. I like it b/c it really gives me a visual of champagne glasses. I can see them, hear the "ching" (ring ching ching pi phis), see the smile on those around you as you raise your glass in celebration.

I'm heading to Cheers! St. Helena tonight. Lots of fun. I went last month and had a ball (miss ya Sonya). This month I'm dragging new friends along for the adventure. Wine on the streets of this super quaint town, open shops, live music, perfect weather. What more could you want?

It's been a smidgen over 3 months since I've moved to Northern CA. Where does the time go? I must say, I was recently feeling like this past year didn't have much to "cheers" to but I'm changing my mind. In a conversation this week, the typical question arose

Her: "Why did you move here?"

Me: "I was ready for a change. And yes, I moved here without any friends. Only one relative, so to speak"

This is true but an easy answer. An unexpected response came from the other side just after I gave my answer.

Her:  "Wow. Well of course. That makes sense. It seems like you tend to do that."

I laughed and thought "really?". I did move to NYC without a job then to CA with no friends. A bit crazy when you look at it from the outside. I mean, I'm this level-headed person that doesn't really take risks. Or am I? I think I'm a risk taker after a bit of analyzing. So far, I think it's treating me well.

So how would you identify yourself? A typical risk taker - throwing caution to the wind or a "me" risk taker - analyzing the risk but still deciding to plunge forward? I don't think either is right or wrong, but I haven't really ever thought of myself as a risk taker. Until now.

I say "Cheers" to being a risk taker, regardless of what kind you are. Glasses ching, friends smile, celebration ensues. What's your best "cheers" moment recently? Love for you to share.